so, I’ve begun the journey. self-love is at the helm. already things are falling away, as I knew they would. there’s something so powerful and courageous about standing still, allowing the tempestuous waves to rip everything superfluous away. it takes more effort to stand still and allow, then to, by rote, try to exert control over shit one cannot control at all. doesn’t seem like it would be harrowing, does it. but, it is. allowing is the behavior of warriors.
I honor that in myself and in others. others that are in the arena.
for this leg of the journey, I am tightening my inner circle. shedding this weight and becoming visible again is daunting. I’ve been hiding for a long time. when we’re ready to do the work, to show up, and surrender to the experience, biting one’s lip, looking carefully around, taking small steps, somewhat wavering but holding fast to the new unknown terrain, we are telling the universe that, yes, we know we’re worth it, that we are ready to be seen, heard and of service.
I’ve been hiding for a long time.
I’m ready to be seen again
I’m ready to be my best
To be of service
To shine, unabashedly
To stand in my authenticity
To pay the light forward
my eldest granddaughter stood by me and sang an impromptu song this evening, it went something like this…
“my noni, she loves me, she’s always there for me, I can talk to her all of the time, she listens to my feelings, even when I don’t want too share, she’s always there, I love my noni, she always makes me feel better, I missed my noni when she was in Puerto Rico, I’m happy she’s safe, I’m happy she’s here with me” she sang that to me, needless to say I started crying…
then the 3-year-old, teeny tiny warrior, Haven, my youngest granddaughter started crying cuz I was crying… she climbed into my lap starting to wail, ‘I don’t want my noni to cry” over and over again. I cried harder, she cried harder… it didn’t stop for a while. a five-year-old shared all her feelings with me, and a 3-year-old cried for my tears. what a gift I got tonight. how blessed and lucky am I? how can I not want to be the bravest goddess I can be, shining the light for my little badass grandpeeps.
so, with determination and courage, I stand there on the precipice of momentous change, and ready myself for the honing of my being. yea I only wanna fuck with others in the arena right now. I have to do this I am doing this and together we rise…