dear mami (1)

Dear Mami; I cannot even tell you how much you have constantly been on my mind since you crossed the rainbow bridge. Every single moment swollen with memories of our journey together.  The few times I’ve laughed, rolled in a blanket burrito, watching the golden girls I’ve felt guilty to find amusement without you here.  I don’t what…

Covid is a thief.

This grief shit is for the birds, but if you like so many families have lost a loved one recently, you know this. Fuck covid, fuck that virus and honestly fuck those who didn’t take it seriously.  I’ve lost a mother and am now in the very unfamiliar terrain of extreme grief.  Now I haven’t had a perfect…

one foot in front of the other

It’s 1:14 CST, and again I cannot sleep.  It’s not for lack of trying, I just have not been able to sleep well since my mom died 2 weeks ago?  I am not even sure of the date.  I had to force myself to get into the shower today, because after going through a very dark period in…

The drop-down menu

I once used an analogy of a drop-down menu to describe the choices a suicidal person does/does not have, because poor mental health limits/changes what choices are available.  Then last night, I had an epiphany, it’s not just when there’s poor mental health although that’s one of the times our drop-down menu is severely limited.  Okay, that’s…

the universe always pays the tab

The more I learn to navigate the terrain of life, the more I think I should majored in Quantum Physics. If this isn’t the most non-linear, twisted, crazy ass ride, then I don’t know what is.  Two weeks ago or so, a remnant of my past called me garbage.  I was floored, but then I thought, well…

growth…

There are so many opportunities to see growth, but there is a moment right before that moment when, standing at the crossroads there is a choice, and well if you can see the growth, then you my universal sibling chose love over fear. It’s been a hellova couple of weeks. Astral bodies all out of…

100 million heartbeats…

I recently had to occasion to watch the new (relatively) Disney shorts movie on Netflix with a grandpeep.  It was an awesome anthology, including my fav. “The Little Match Girl”.  I’ve been in love and broken hearted about this story since I was in lower single digits. I’ve always wanted to ‘help’ her, to assuage her…

tales from the street…

canarse was the last stop on the L in brookyln. she had heard the name uttered but had had no frame of reference before. today had been an okay day. spending the day imagining a different life had been a soothing activity...but as she left her fellow runaway and friend's house she felt very alone…

owning my shit and retiring my gavel.

judging the judgers makes me judgmental.  this morning I was blessed to have a convo with a young man, walk away, go workout and actually hear myself.  I was aghast. for a woman who focuses on love at every crossroads, I sounded rather judgmental, to me.  I had the occasion, (thank god/dess) to apologize and he…