Meant to be Here – the beginning

The topography of her spirit world had changed.  No longer was it bright and full of possibilities, but dark, dank and reeking of despair. She was unsure as to how she had gotten here, she had no memory of taking this route, but now it seemed as if she was standing in quick sand, anytime she attempted to move, the quick sand was sucking her in deeper.  Things worsened and her dreams grew depressing and telling.  The only escape seemed to be death and it was calling her.

She dreamt of  driving far, far away, imbibing massive quantities of sleeping pills, beta blockers  and drifting off into the next world. Day after day the thoughts grew until they consumed her, growing until they eclipsed her innate light that was grounded in source. She knew enough to know that this was not something she was equipped to navigate by herself, so she shared the darkness with a few loved ones who recommended she get help.

As she stepped into the cab, she never felt so alone in her entire life, and the thought of death seemed preferable to existing in that space devoid of warmth, light or hope.  She arrived at the emergency room with tears streaming down her face, glancing at the triage nurse, she couldn’t speak.. she gestured for a pen and paper, and quickly wrote something down.  Looking up through her tears she held up the sign.  The nurse read the simple sentence.  I want to die.
Glancing at the tearful woman, the nurse exclaimed ‘oh dear, come with me.’

Published by: Shanti Shaharazade

Told to write it all down, I do, finally. It took me from 1991 to now, to surrender to Universe/God/dess (insert name of choice) and to embrace this path with my soul wide open. I love sharing all of my journey with young people to demonstrate that it is possible to choose the light constantly even when face to face with your own darkness. I've used a variety of tools to shed ego's protective barriers like onion layers. I am determined to share the journey, tools and encouragement, being the change I want in the world. If something resonates, touches you, please share, it could do the same for another. Also feel free to share your thoughts, opinions or to voice your disagreement, all points of view are welcome and appreciated, at worst we can agree to disagree. Thank you for stopping by!!! Sat Nam


6 thoughts on “Meant to be Here – the beginning”

    1. I was scared. I had never had dreams like that before. If the inclinations were when I was awake, I could attempt to control them, but when they came, in my sleep, that I thought was too deep for me to fix on my own!!! I’ve had a case of the feels since I was born, I was made that way. What about you??


  1. Ok my dear Soul….. I had never have those toughts but 2 people very important in my life felt them and try it to leave this beautiful universe and I feel your pain….. I really want you to count with me if I can serve you anytime you need. Looks like you have a lot Soul contracts and things to heal and you need to try to do you homework… Using your tools….. meditate and ask the universe to show you the way……forgive people was a big one for me and get rid off my unger…..hang out with happy people that make you laugh and start laughing…. be more position and you will see how much abundance you will get back. Wish you the best year ever. Sending lot love to your way 💕


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