She dreamt of driving far, far away, imbibing massive quantities of sleeping pills, beta blockers and drifting off into the next world. Day after day the thoughts grew until they consumed her, growing until they eclipsed her innate light that was grounded in source. She knew enough to know that this was not something she was equipped to navigate by herself, so she shared the darkness with a few loved ones who recommended she get help.
The topography of her spirit world had changed. No longer was it bright and full of possibilities, but dark, dank and reeking of despair. She was unsure as to how she had gotten here, she had no memory of taking this route, but now it seemed as if she was standing in quick sand, anytime she attempted to move, the quick sand was sucking her in deeper. Things worsened and her dreams grew depressing and telling. The only escape seemed to be death and it was calling her.
As she stepped into the cab, she never felt so alone in her entire life, and the thought of death seemed preferable to existing in that space devoid of warmth, light or hope. She arrived at the emergency room with tears streaming down her face, glancing at the triage nurse, she couldn’t speak.. she gestured for a pen and paper, and quickly wrote something down. Looking up through her tears she held up the sign. The nurse read the simple sentence. I want to die.
Glancing at the tearful woman, the nurse exclaimed ‘oh dear, come with me.’