This will be born. It told me, as I was laying in my bed nursing an upset stomach. I snapped at the universe, alright, I’m getting up. Then I apologized because one does not want to get too sassy with the universe. I swung my feet over the side of my very high bed, my feet do not touch the ground and came out to the living room where I have a comfie place set up for writing. I quickly checked in with grandpeeps, and replied to a few comments in school (SNHU). I thought about what I had written on this subject earlier, but I didn’t like it and apparently, the universe didn’t either because well, it wouldn’t post. Yup, that’s a tale tell sign.
I woke up to see this video first thing this morning. (no not morning like 8am, morning like 10:30am, yes I’m keeping it real) and I was pissed, how dare they, whomever they are call someone the ugliest woman in the world. (shakes my head, even now) seriously??? Just who does that? And knowing they started that shit, and it took, and held, how do they feel about themselves now??? If the daily news is any indication of what he/she feels, I would have to guess nothing, maybe I’m wrong, is there a way to find out. I’ll have to research that. I digress, so this hot wave of anger poured through me, touched parts of me that have not felt such rage in a long time. Just when did it become okay to make others feel bad about themselves, to make them doubt who they are or how they are seen. That’s not something to take lightly. How do you suppose she will feel walking to a room after that, wondering what everyone is thinking and praying it isn’t that one horrible tag, sentence or title??
Then it hit me, I wasn’t just angry for her, although I would hard-pressed not to kick their ass FOR her, if they were in front of me. (that’s not very spiritual, is it?) no, but it’s real, and I’m not doing bullshit anymore and in the spirit of disclosure, I was angry for my ‘ugly’ girl. Nods head. I’ve felt ugly since I was around 4, that’s my earliest recollection of wanting to have anyone’s face but mine. I was taught at a very early age that I wasn’t wanted or pretty. No shame or blame, all is forgiven, but in this case, no, it has not been forgotten. The scars are deep and I’m afraid my eyes still behold the ugly stepsister when I happen upon a mirror. Makeup and I became fast friends, and I learned to change that which was not pleasing to the eye, not full enough, or slim enough or even contoured enough. I learned how to elongate my eyes to bring out their almond shape, use lip liner to exaggerate the size of my pout. There were times I glanced into a mirror and saw a beautiful stranger. That never rested easy upon my soul. I would rather that my own face was pleasing enough. I hated the layers of crap suffocating my pores. That started a lifelong addiction with makeup, all I had to do was see a beautiful face, and they could sell me anything, promising that I too could look like that. They weren’t selling me a product; they were selling me a dream. Magazines, commercials, reality TV, or any high school hallway these days.
My granddaughters are gorgeous, all three of them. I want them to bask in that knowledge, marinate in the fact that their beauty is born of their kind and generous souls, not just their surface appearances. Isn’t it a shame that this world still concentrates on surface shit??? I saw an article today taking about the Kardashians makeup artist fat shamed a 6-year-old boy??? What the literal fuck?? Why do we tolerate this crap, I wanted to hunt her down and see what made her this shallow and cruel, but I REFUSED to click on her page. Nope, wouldn’t do it. Maybe I am just one, but ONE that will stand for wounded children, for ‘shamed’ women, ALWAYS for the underdog. Always, because I too am a underdog, and I’m still here, still learning, still helping as much as I can, still striving, intent on making a difference. I always say if I let ONE person know they are not alone, it’s all worth it, recently I’m grateful to say a few people have hit me up and said I am making a difference, that’s all I needed.
So Lizzie, I don’t think your ugly. I think you are beautiful inside and out, we cannot control some aspects of our being, and we didn’t ask for some of it, but we got it anyway. Universe/God/dess musta known that your heart was big enough for this task. Bless you. I am sending huge appreciation, love and light to help you on your journey. You are not alone. I would love to find out who started that crap, just to see what a miserable existence they truly have, but I know that’s not where my energy is best served. We must concentrate on the solutions, and you’re doing a hellova job. Amazing, courageous, Goddess, you!!! I don’t have half your courage, YET. I’m working on it!!!!
To anyone who’s ever felt ugly, I love you. I get it, I understand. Just gotta show up being our best, that’s it, that’s all. The rest, the universe will figure out!