processing

So, yes, I read your message.  It has been digesting since then.  I read it at around 3am in the morning, approx. a week after I stepped off the plane.  At first, I was just shocked that you would send that even though I was fresh from the front lines of my life.  I felt it was very inconsiderate… but… shrugs, okay. 

Because…

Almost everyone in this world wants to change someone, and we all deserve to be able to be ourselves, and you apparently thought I was trying to change you, and this letter made me feel you were trying to do the same, so I freed us both.  No, I have not had your life experiences, nor have you had mine.  I’m not into competitions, no pissing contests here.  I am an expert on just one thing.  Me. I share my journey cuz I’m nudged to do so. If it helps anyone… I’m blessed and if it does not, then they are free to sashay to the exit sign.  

I treat others the way I want to be treated.  If I did anything to offend you, I really would have loved to know… but, I cannot have more sympathy for you.  I won’t climb down into the abyss with you.  I’ll stay where I’ve had to claw my way too, and hold out my hand.  I’m not going to see you as a victim, I see you now, then and forever as a conqueror.  We all are.  We all have the fortitude and tenacity to choose better, but that’s scary, and I realize that.  I realize that people have to be ready to confront their demons, and we cannot bully people to be that which we feel they should be.  I get that.  

So, I didn’t walk away because you asked me to be more compassionate towards your life/journey, but because when you that that you weren’t being compassionate to what I had just gone through… and that I just didn’t understand.  To me that’s like asking a person not to steal when you yourself in that moment are stealing… wtf???Image result for choose fear or love

I just wrote that letter.  Yea, that really happened and yea, that’s the way I was feeling about it.  But, as I was writing it, I realized if the person didn’t get ‘it’, then they still wouldn’t get it… so taking the next step and sending it would serve darkness and not light.  I realized that it would be my ego’s chess to further this.  It didn’t feel right.  It didn’t make my soul shine, and that, for me now is enough to not do it. 

I’ve always had crazy ass thoughts, and mostly never acted on any of them, but for the last 15 months approx. I’ve been practicing mindfulness.  Writing that letter, freeing those toxins, was healthy, I feel it absolutely was, but to send it would be sending energy to the past.  I’d rather send my energy to the reality I’m choosing to create.   

That is absolutely a gift of mindfulness.  I would never have taken the time to think through all of that instead of acting immediately.  Random bursts of emotionally provoked crazy choices have dotted my life for at least 3 consecutive decades… it is soul stirring to know that these tools actually do work, and only have to be learned and implemented.  Perhaps, I ought not to say ‘only’ because truth be told, determination must be utilized, but it is oh so worth it. 

As for me, I’d rather ‘love and lift’, in the book, “The Universe has your Back”, Bernstein writes that we ought to stop, relax, and ask, ‘fear or love’, is the choice we’re about to make born of fear or born of love.  I couldn’t see that sending that letter had pure and loving intentions, smelled like a lil bit o’ fear to me, so yea… not sending it. 

Win! 

Image result for choose fear or love
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Published by: the hood hippy

Told to write it all down, I do, finally. It took me from 1991 to now, to surrender to Universe/God/dess (insert name of choice) and to embrace this path with my soul wide open. I love sharing all of my journey with young people to demonstrate that it is possible to choose the light constantly even when face to face with your own darkness. I've used a variety of tools to shed ego's protective barriers like onion layers. I am determined to share the journey, tools and encouragement, being the change I want in the world. If something resonates, touches you, please share, it could do the same for another. Also feel free to share your thoughts, opinions or to voice your disagreement, all points of view are welcome and appreciated, at worst we can agree to disagree. Thank you for stopping by!!! Sat Nam

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