what else is possible??

goddess

I am so fucking grateful.

Stunned.

Really.

I’m not sure how to process these events… well I actually do but the realizations are so heady it takes time to digest.

Went to the gym today and did 30 minutes on the ARC.  The last 20 minutes were so painful, that by the last five minutes, I was having a hard time holding back the tears.  I’ve NEVER cried at the gym before.  If you’re keeping up, you know I lost 130lbs before the 2 years I spent in the abyss, but regained it during the 2 years of suicidal depression, then developed sciatica and now…

Well now…

How bad do I want it???

How bad do I want my health??

Well bad enough to work through level 13 pain <on a scale of 1-10>.  I’ve had 3 C-sections, 1 hysterectomy, a SVT ablation… and severe fibro for years and YET…nothing has compared to this.  Wow… this pain is a worthy opponent… but truly it isn’t… it’s a part of me.  It wants to be seen, heard and honored.  I did this. No blame or shame about it, but I made some choices that led me to this level of pain.  Since I reclaimed my power by owning my choices, I now have the power to make new choices to change it.  Word!

So there I was on that machine… whew… I thought of the veteran who utilized yoga for his healing.. what a badass huh??

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qX9FSZJu448  <——————————– the veteran’s courageous journey.

Then I thought of Nick Vujicic who speaks to teenagers, which is what my passion calls me to do <—————————- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QV47eKRE4NU

These men’s journey’s inspired me right there on that ARC, holding on so my leg didn’t give… then I thought of my granddaughter Genesis, that legit believes I am a wonder woman… well ummm yea.. .gotta live up to that. 

I self-talked for the last 15 minutes of the 30 minutes. Went something like this…

Ummm yea, you got this…

It’s your MIND, not your BODY tempted to quit…

The pain is the weakness leaving your body…

How bad do you want it?

How bad do you want your dreams??

What are you willing to do??

I made it… I did it… tears were rolling down my face, everyone around me faded into the background and DID NOT MATTER… they didn’t.  I made it… I didn’t break my promise to MYSELF, because that is the most important relationship I have. 

I slowly and gingerly made my way over to the yoga mat and cried for about 5 full minutes as I stretched and loved all of me even the fat, and pain… yea all of me. 

Went home after running a few errands and did one more mile.

Yea I’m a fucking wonder woman.  Yea I’m creating a magnificent life, cuz I’m worth it…  No, I didn’t think I could do shit like this… and the most important question…

What else is possible????

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.
(Maya Angelou)  

 

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Published by: the hood hippy

Told to write it all down, I do, finally. It took me from 1991 to now, to surrender to Universe/God/dess (insert name of choice) and to embrace this path with my soul wide open. I love sharing all of my journey with young people to demonstrate that it is possible to choose the light constantly even when face to face with your own darkness. I've used a variety of tools to shed ego's protective barriers like onion layers. I am determined to share the journey, tools and encouragement, being the change I want in the world. If something resonates, touches you, please share, it could do the same for another. Also feel free to share your thoughts, opinions or to voice your disagreement, all points of view are welcome and appreciated, at worst we can agree to disagree. Thank you for stopping by!!! Sat Nam

2 Comments

2 thoughts on “what else is possible??”

    1. Thank you so much! To be honest the only reason it hurt so much was it was straight through. When I do my mileage I stop after each miles to allow the feeling back into my leg. Unfortunately, the pain is pretty bad no matter what I do these days.. I’m stretching it, heat patches, lotsa love to it. Love you.

      Liked by 1 person

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