It’s finals week and I’m dragging my ass to the finish line. One would think that everything would just flow, as I/we take steps shortening the distance between my/our divine and human self, but it doesn’t always ‘feel’ like it’s flowing it feels like I’m pulling teeth with no anesthesia. I am legit busting my ass processing everything (last four classes before graduation, keto lifestyle, losing layers of weight/cushioning between me and the world, my dad’s still in PR and I strive NOT to worry about him, my son is recuperating from a pretty invasive surgery. I could go on, but the point has been made) we’ve all got ‘shit’ to deal with, cuz this is a human existence and even if we chose the road less traveled, life continues to unfold with all of it’s sometimes gnarly twists and turns.
I’m SO fucking grateful for everything. I mean flushing toilets have still not lost their magic for me after Puerto Rico… hot showers are still amazing, the fact that I haven’t put a carb to my lips in 40 something days, that I’m not attaching to anything that rises, but just observing and honoring shit, then letting it go… that I’m up to 160 steps after each of my miles and once an hour is stunning to me. The fact that my RHR has SO improved in a month… I mean ONE MONTH, and it’s dropped what??? 10 or more points????
How do I define success these days???
I celebrate everyone who wakes up, feeling a bit tired, maybe not so motivated and does the good shit anyway. Whether it be working out, sharing, helping, loving, being of service to self and others IN SOME way… that moves me. When we feel like snapping cuz the journey is JUST. TOO. MUCH, but we chose to do the work, so we can reassess and readjust to follow love as our north star … even though… that’s success to me these days.
Where is this road gonna take me, I have no freaking clue, and that I think is the point of this existence, to watch it unfold as we surrender to the ebbs and flow of the universal wave.
So maybe the flow doesn’t always feel like the flow, but our higher selves know, the flow is the flow as long as we keep taking steps no matter how small.